My Rights

When most people think about Domestic Violence, they automatically picture a woman who is beaten. Most imagine the bruised eyes and body, the bleeding, the shaking, and, perhaps, the total 'bottom of the barrel' look.

I was in the middle of domestic violence, and that was still first picture that came to my mind.

I found it difficult to consider myself in an abusive relationship because the majority of the ads against violence showed women like I described above. Most didn't show ME. And, the ones that did, I ignored. I had come to believe that what was going on in our home and marriage was completely normal. Boy, was I wrong.

One of the first things that my Social Worker gave to me when I started seeing her after I got out of the violence, was this list of Human Rights. This list changed a lot of things for me, very quickly. It was the first step in seeing just how violated the kids and I had been for so long...

This is what an abuse-free life looks like.

Things to remember everyday:

* I have the right to be treated with dignity, compassion, and respect at all times.
* I have the right to make my own decisions about the course of my life.
* I have the right to have dreams - and to work toward making these dreams come true.
* I have the right to feel good about myself as a person and a woman.
* I have the right to choose who will be my friends, whom I will spend time with, and whom I will confide in.
* I have the right to make mistakes.
* I have the right to change my mind (Have you ever heard the saying "If you haven't changed your mind lately, maybe you don't have one"?)
* I have the right to be happy.
* I have the right to ask for what I want.
* I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
* I have the right to express all of my feelings, both positive and negative.
* I have the right to say no.
* I have the right to determine my own priorities.
* I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
* I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
* I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
* I have the right to change and grow.
* I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
* I have the right to be uniquely myself.

So many of these rights of mine were violated. I'll talk about ones that really stood out to me in the next couple of days.