Sunday, September 9, 2012

No More Singing

I had a revelation when I was driving the other day and it completely turned my world around...
Ever since I got away from my abusive spouse, I sang songs that I identfied with about the situation I found myself in. It started with the song, "According to You" with a girl singing to her ex about how mean he used to be to her.  Then, there was "My Give a Damn's Busted" where the woman is singing to her ex about much she no longer cares.  Next came Kelly Clarkson singing to "Mr. Know it All", her ex that was very controlling towards her.  Then she sang, "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" where she was telling her ex that she is stronger since their relationship ended. 
I was singing that last song in the car... "Think you got the best of me, think you've had the last laugh..." and I suddenly stopped myself and said out loud, "I'M NOT SINGING TO YOU ANY MORE!" All this time, all these songs, I've been wasting my breath singing to my ex.  I'm not dismissing the fact that these songs were therapeutic for me, and they helped me get through a lot of garbage, but suddenly I got to another stage - no more sining to my ex.
The freedom that came with that revelation has been immensely healing for me.  It is amazing to recognize that another piece of the control has been broken and I'm even more 'me' than I was a few days ago.